The Birth of a Blog
Ahh yes, tree rats. Nature's most feared garden pest. But they're so cute you say. Yes, cute, and equally deadly. But what if you could somehow capture these rodents and train them to be your soldiers, your entertainers, your mechanic? Only time will tell, when we can control these uncivilized beasts. In the meantime, I bring you Squirrel Corral......
posted by Johnny Nightstar @ 1:35 PM
3 comments
3 Comments:
Sir:
Reading the prologue, as it were, to your Magnum Opus, I am reminded of the day the squirrel went berzerk in the First Uprighteous Church in the sleepy little town of Pascagoula. Yes, the ensuing hysteria was indeed a revival of Biblical proportions, albeit provoked by one of God's more diminutive creatures...
In any event, your plans for a "Squirrel Corral", while laudably ambitious, evince a certain hubris, or at least a precipitous enthusiam bordering on the psychotic.
I urge caution. Beneath the cuddly, dim-witted, nut-munching exterior of a squirrel lurks the heart of a violent and subtle predator. Many an idealistic social reformer such as yourself has suffered injury or worse at the hands of a gang of unruly squirrels. Caution! Sir, Caution! This way lies madness, and squirrel bites.
I wouldn't let the comments of the anonymous attende of the First Uprighteous Church in the sleepy little town of Pascagoula bother you or deter you from your plans.
For years I have been running my house and all the appliances within completely from the energy produced by the brains of squirrels I keep in a large apparatus in my basement. I keep the live squirrels wired into a computer simulation that makes them think that they are outside on a permanently sunny day running up and down trees and the like, all the while I use the electrical signals produced by the neurons of their brains to work my vacuum cleaner, food processor, ice cream maker, etc...
If you keep them jacked into this grid, they will never run amok, although there have been some odd disturbances recently...but I'm sure it's nothing
In other words, what you're saying is you actually have squirrels hooked into a Matrix. You may want to watch out, though, because one of your squirrels may be "The One," or Neo-Nuts, as some have called him. "The One" has been known to infiltrate and destroy certain parts of the Matrix with 13 levels of Kung-Fu and several years of bad acting. You may want to ensure that the potential rebellious squirrel cadre never asks each other this important question: "You think those are nuts that you're eating now?"
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