"That doll is evil, I tells ya. Evil! Eeeeviiilllll!"

One of my favorite characters on The Simpsons is Grandpa Abe Simpson, because of his long-winded, senile soliloquies. He is the only character that allows the writers to ramble on and use much forgotten colloquial words from the pre-WWII days. One of my favorite Grandpa monologues is in the episode where Homer becomes a union boss.

Mr. Burns: Smithers, get me some strikebreakers, the kind they had in the 30's.

Abe Simpson: We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell them stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe. So, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. 'Give me five bees for a quarter, you'd say.' Now, where were we? Oh, yeah, the important thing was, that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions, because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones...